If Only
by Archica
Summary: Yumi's thoughts during the last few episodes of season three. Hints at WilliamxYumi.


If Only

She turned her back to the others when Aelita reached her the pencil, making absolutely sure that no one could see the letters appearing on the scrap of paper as she wrote. She folded it once and reached it to Jeremie, trying hard to display no expression.

The votes were read, William was understandably upset. Yumi's hands trembled slightly when the angry boy blamed Ulrich for what she had done. For a moment, she considered confessing the truth, but she couldn't get the words to come out as she watched William's face disappear behind the elevator doors.

Yumi walked straight home without a word to the others that night and stood by her window, waiting for William to skate by. She remembered his face inching closer to hers, his request for a kiss, his breath warm on her cheek. A small, dull ache appeared in her chest when she saw him come into view, then disappear into the night as he made his way right past her house.

A moment her in her life had just been permanently erased.

Yumi's jaw nearly dropped when William later told her of his bizarre dreams. His memories had been wiped, but something apparently still lingered. Not a real memory, as that was impossible, but a feeling, an emotion. A desire. He wanted to help Yumi, and she believed him then. But doubt was drifting in the air between them as she walked with him to the factory.

She watched him closely, examined his reactions to all that he saw, trying to figure out if he just wanted to have fun or if that desire to help her had been for real. They left the factory, heading home for the night, and Yumi pulled William aside once the others were out of earshot.

"Listen, this isn't a game. It may seem exciting to you, but it's serious for us. We've risked a lot to fight Xana. Don't mess things up for us."

William smiled at her. "I know, I know. This is serious business. I joined up to help you, Yumi, not to have a good time."

Yumi studied his face for a moment before surrendering to her own smile. "Alright. I believe you. Just... be careful when you go to Lyoko. Complications can turn up that affect you in the real world."

They parted ways that night, and Yumi stood under the street light until William was gone. "He still doesn't understand," she muttered.

It was the next day when she got the phone call, finding out that William and Aelita had went to Lyoko alone. Aelita was certainly capable of showing him the ropes, but Yumi had hoped they could all go in together on William's first trip. She was looking forward to finding out what he would look like, what his weapons and abilities would be. Your Lyoko self was a reflection of your subconscious, a mirror of your true self. Her mind raced to imagine what William's true self looked like.

She slipped by Hiroki and rushed to the factory. She would finally see William in Lyoko. He would finally see her. And maybe, just maybe, she would walk away with an understanding of who he was, what his intentions really were.

William was possessed by Xana, Jeremie had told her. He had devirtualized Aelita and was quite literally destroying Lyoko. Yumi's chest burned. She didn't have time to ask how something like this happened. She raced to the scanner room and raced even quicker to the core of Lyoko. She stood on the edge of the blocks leading up to the core itself, staring up at William as he ruthlessly attacked their virtual world.

_Ah, so that's what he looks like._

He shot another blast from his sword, stripping away the final shields. Ulrich screamed out William's name, and she wanted to remind him that what they were looking at was _not_ William. It was Xana. But as he looked down at them with _that_ face, his lips vaguely curling into _that_ smile, the smile he had given to Yumi so many times, she lost the will to correct Ulrich.

The plan was a good one. Ulrich would keep William busy while Yumi and Odd rushed up to protect the core. None of them realized how powerful William, or rather Xana, was. Odd was the first to go, right in mid jump and before he even realized he had been attacked. Ulrich was next, his shock at being made short work of apparent in his face as he devirtualized.

Only Yumi remained, and she destroyed as many creepers as she could before William appeared behind her, sword in hand. She couldn't even turn around to face him before the sword plunged through her back. It wasn't supposed to hurt on Lyoko, so why did it feel like the metal was slicing through flesh instead of pixels?

She fell to the floor and turned to look at him. _Don't look at me with such contempt while wearing his face. Don't dare smile his smile._

It wasn't supposed to hurt, but her entire body felt as if it were being shredded, ripped apart as she slowly devirtualized. "I knew we shouldn't have let you into the group..."

_Because I knew you would end up hurting me._

William's cold glare faltered for one moment, a look hinting of sorrow flashed across his face, and the next thing Yumi saw was the interior of the scanner.

Lyoko was destroyed. Everything they had fought so hard for now laid in shambles around their feet. And William was gone.

It wasn't his fault. Yumi was very much aware of that. But her heart ached painfully whenever she remembered his smiling face, his words "_I want to help you, Yumi"_.

She stood by her window that night, watching the street that ran by her house. If only William could skate into view, if only she could run outside and bump into him. If only she could go back and reclaim that lost moment.

But what's lost is gone, and Yumi sighed sadly as she closed her curtain.


End file.
